It is entirely too frightening how unloved and worthless one can feel at certain times in life; even (and maybe especially) one who has been shown a great deal of love and praise. The failure to be understood by others can seem like a calamity in the social life of the deep thinker.
Since I plainly cannot cease thinking deeply, I must have some way of mending such self-condemnation. And sure, sometimes more deep thinking and rationality can help, but nothing seems more powerful than being shown love - or merely being reminded that I am loved.
No words are powerful enough to sufficiently express the love that I have for my family. It is because of their excellence that I have reason to be happy.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Decadence
One who can recognize decadence always suffers from it; whether it be one's own or another's. This is because to recognize decadence is to recognize the behavioral and moral disease that eludes the vast majority of mankind. Contemplating such helplessness thus leads one to great despair. What is one to do with this?
Moreover, what is one who seeks wisdom and eudaimonia to do with those who do not understand the pitfall of decadence? How does he/she then behave around the decadents? Does one play the part of a fellow decadent so as not to appear pious among them? Or does one avoid them altogether? What is the best method for living in the modern world?
Goodness, wisdom, and truth seem to be exchanged for decadence and thus are the rarest of human possessions.
Moreover, what is one who seeks wisdom and eudaimonia to do with those who do not understand the pitfall of decadence? How does he/she then behave around the decadents? Does one play the part of a fellow decadent so as not to appear pious among them? Or does one avoid them altogether? What is the best method for living in the modern world?
Goodness, wisdom, and truth seem to be exchanged for decadence and thus are the rarest of human possessions.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Host family, happenings, classmates.
Well, my host family is really great. Their names are Elvira (ell-veer-ah) and Walter (vahltah) Hanemann. They have 2 children that now live on their own: one is a 26 year old boy who studies architecture at the Frei University of Berlin, the other is a 21 year old girl who studies Philosophy at Humboldt University (yeah, the one Marx and Einstein went to). I haven't met either of the children, but Elvira and Walter are as sweet as can be. They have hosted other students from the US, Italy, and France. It seems that their best experience has been with Americans - that was a surprise to me!
They own a bookstore nearby, and from what I've gathered they have done so for at least a decade, maybe longer. Their apartment is modest but very charming. They have one television set which is underneath a large bookshelf that is full of hundreds of vinyl records and CDs and a stereo with a record player. Other than that, their house is littered with books.
Walter knows less English, it seems, than what German I have learned in 2 days. So we haven't done much talking. But Elvira is pretty good with her English and apparently it is their daughter's best language. Since I have been so busy and haven't had much time around them, I don't even know the names of their children. Hopefully I can get a chance to meet them and have them show me some of their friends and favorite places around Berlin.
Yesterday we went to the Jewish Museum for the Kulturprogramme. That was very interesting, but we were crunched for time so I ended up having to skip the last 2/3 of it at least. I did not get to experience the axis that puts you into a tight space where you feel the anxiety of a Holocaust victim. But apparently it's free on Thursday nights, so me and some other students might be going back. Tonight we are going to a concentration camp for a tour. I can't remember what the camp is called, but I guarantee that I won't forget it once I've been there.
My classes at the Goethe-Institut are fantastic. I sit next to a 23 year old girl from Milan named Alice who speaks English, Italian, and French. She doesn't wear deodorant. Next to her is a 31 year old girl from Mexico who speaks a little English and Spanish. Then there's a girl from Belmont who sits next to me who is constantly nagging me during class. Much could be said about my frustrations with this person, but I will refrain from saying more about her (or anything at all about the other girl from Belmont in our class). But here is a list of the other students in our class:
Irina - Russian, forty-some years old, doesn't speak much English, doesn't really know what is happening in our class at all. I feel bad for her.
Ermanna - Italian, 31 years old, speaks Italian, Spanish, English, French. Brilliant lady.
Belén - Spanish gal, late twenties, speaks Spanish and English. Always smiling and laughing - therefore fun.
Jose - Spanish guy, 33 years old. Kind of quiet, but he's doing ok. Speaks a little English, Spanish, and Italian.
Jess - Harvard grad student, 30 years old, getting her PhD in Yiddish and Hebrew. The rest is obvious (she's brainy).
Laura - cute Italian gal. Not sure exactly how old she is. My best guess is mid-20's. Speaks English, Italian, Spanish. Surprise.
Nina - cute Spanish gal. Not sure how old she is either, but I do know that she is in her third year of college studying Biotechnology - yeah, Biotechnology. Apparently she still is not sure exactly what it is, but she loves Biology. Speaks Spanish, Italian, and English all with a very attractive accent.
Trevor - Canadian dude. He looks like Harry Potter with skinny jeans and a plaid shirt. He's 26. He is also a grad student at Harvard, getting his PhD in Art History (Kunstgesischte in Deutsch, haha). He speaks French and English. He's a very nice guy.
Didi - 18 year old gal from Jamaica. She's incredibly quiet, but very cute. Apparently her dad is from Germany and her mom is African/Indian. Her brother and sister are here with her and they all three look like Latin American models. Part of that has to do with the fact that their dad is an orthodontist and they all have immaculate pearly-whites.
I may have forgotten one person. But it's probably because they don't speak up much if at all. But I feel pretty confident that I would have only left out one person.
--
Daniel
They own a bookstore nearby, and from what I've gathered they have done so for at least a decade, maybe longer. Their apartment is modest but very charming. They have one television set which is underneath a large bookshelf that is full of hundreds of vinyl records and CDs and a stereo with a record player. Other than that, their house is littered with books.
Walter knows less English, it seems, than what German I have learned in 2 days. So we haven't done much talking. But Elvira is pretty good with her English and apparently it is their daughter's best language. Since I have been so busy and haven't had much time around them, I don't even know the names of their children. Hopefully I can get a chance to meet them and have them show me some of their friends and favorite places around Berlin.
Yesterday we went to the Jewish Museum for the Kulturprogramme. That was very interesting, but we were crunched for time so I ended up having to skip the last 2/3 of it at least. I did not get to experience the axis that puts you into a tight space where you feel the anxiety of a Holocaust victim. But apparently it's free on Thursday nights, so me and some other students might be going back. Tonight we are going to a concentration camp for a tour. I can't remember what the camp is called, but I guarantee that I won't forget it once I've been there.
My classes at the Goethe-Institut are fantastic. I sit next to a 23 year old girl from Milan named Alice who speaks English, Italian, and French. She doesn't wear deodorant. Next to her is a 31 year old girl from Mexico who speaks a little English and Spanish. Then there's a girl from Belmont who sits next to me who is constantly nagging me during class. Much could be said about my frustrations with this person, but I will refrain from saying more about her (or anything at all about the other girl from Belmont in our class). But here is a list of the other students in our class:
Irina - Russian, forty-some years old, doesn't speak much English, doesn't really know what is happening in our class at all. I feel bad for her.
Ermanna - Italian, 31 years old, speaks Italian, Spanish, English, French. Brilliant lady.
Belén - Spanish gal, late twenties, speaks Spanish and English. Always smiling and laughing - therefore fun.
Jose - Spanish guy, 33 years old. Kind of quiet, but he's doing ok. Speaks a little English, Spanish, and Italian.
Jess - Harvard grad student, 30 years old, getting her PhD in Yiddish and Hebrew. The rest is obvious (she's brainy).
Laura - cute Italian gal. Not sure exactly how old she is. My best guess is mid-20's. Speaks English, Italian, Spanish. Surprise.
Nina - cute Spanish gal. Not sure how old she is either, but I do know that she is in her third year of college studying Biotechnology - yeah, Biotechnology. Apparently she still is not sure exactly what it is, but she loves Biology. Speaks Spanish, Italian, and English all with a very attractive accent.
Trevor - Canadian dude. He looks like Harry Potter with skinny jeans and a plaid shirt. He's 26. He is also a grad student at Harvard, getting his PhD in Art History (Kunstgesischte in Deutsch, haha). He speaks French and English. He's a very nice guy.
Didi - 18 year old gal from Jamaica. She's incredibly quiet, but very cute. Apparently her dad is from Germany and her mom is African/Indian. Her brother and sister are here with her and they all three look like Latin American models. Part of that has to do with the fact that their dad is an orthodontist and they all have immaculate pearly-whites.
I may have forgotten one person. But it's probably because they don't speak up much if at all. But I feel pretty confident that I would have only left out one person.
--
Daniel
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
A revelation
I have now been in Berlin for 4 days and I am feeling like a new person already. Maybe it is the rich history of this city, or its robust culture, or my love of philosophy - but something has ignited in me a consciousness that is eager for discipline, knowledge, and a good will. Perhaps it is plain that it is God. But, from my understanding of God, I must set the opportunities that I am given on the workbench of my instinctive aspirations, in a practical and moment-to-moment manner. My aspirations must motivate me to wake up in the morning, take a shower, and brush my teeth. Without performing these mundane tasks, all aspirations are left to realize on their own, like a campfire expected to spontaneously combust.
I know that some people, and especially those who go through life without thinking about the actions they take, will find this discovery to be juvenile or rather unsophisticated. But, for me, this realization is paramount. And this is probably because I am melancholic and tend to overanalyze the actions that I take, including taking a shower and brushing my teeth. I have ignored such actions in the past because I have never understood the value of discipline and persistence. Such behavior has always seemed mindless to me, and it probably can be, but I know now that it can also be intensely purposeful if one is in the right state of mind. Performing the everyday tasks with profound intent is like providing oneself with the soil on which to plant and grow one's aspirations. And I now feel glad to do so.
--
Daniel
I know that some people, and especially those who go through life without thinking about the actions they take, will find this discovery to be juvenile or rather unsophisticated. But, for me, this realization is paramount. And this is probably because I am melancholic and tend to overanalyze the actions that I take, including taking a shower and brushing my teeth. I have ignored such actions in the past because I have never understood the value of discipline and persistence. Such behavior has always seemed mindless to me, and it probably can be, but I know now that it can also be intensely purposeful if one is in the right state of mind. Performing the everyday tasks with profound intent is like providing oneself with the soil on which to plant and grow one's aspirations. And I now feel glad to do so.
--
Daniel
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